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    April 09

    冷 暖

         每早去上班的拐角,她会遇到披大红色围巾的女子与寒冬里仅穿羊绒衫的男子。于是每天早上,在那个拥挤喧闹的拐角,她产生了一种遇到熟人的喜悦与不能上前打招呼的失落混合在一起的复杂感情。直到某日忽然降温,再不见这两个特定的陌生人。她想,也许那女子紧裹着另一条围巾前一秒刚迎面走来,那男子穿上了外套下一秒将擦身而过。可无论如何苦苦思索,她无法回忆起这两人的面孔,她只记得,红色围巾与黑色羊绒。于是,她有些失落,每天路过的人形形色色,需要多少与众不同才能被人记住。而遗忘,瞬间发生。
        
          回家前在电梯里的短短数十秒,她通常会从镜子中观察自己,并时常惊讶于穿着职业套装的自己仍有一张如此稚嫩的脸。于是她闭上眼睛,回想记忆中的自己,竟也忘了自己的模样。她开始有些后悔自己常年躲避镜头的习惯,她想,在她死亡以前,她可能就已在时间中淡出。当她的后代谈论起她时,不,他们根本不会谈论起她。她没有任何让人难忘之处,也不会出现在家庭相册里被人指指点点加以评论。最多一问“这个被遮住脸的人是谁?”一答“是哦,她是谁呢?”就此作罢。而那些会被提起的人呢,也许都是些像卡尔维诺笔下分成两半的男爵,树上的子爵,不存在的骑士一样的人,有古怪甚至荒诞的传奇。于是,在后人说到“我们的祖先”时,不知是骄傲或是自嘲。
      
          她差点亲眼见证了一个母亲离走故事。开门时,听到房东阿姨与其女儿的声音,知道此事未果。如果一位母亲离开她5岁的女儿,是会被众人唾骂的。然而若是一位母亲离开她20岁的女儿,是会叫人怜悯的。而她,就是怜悯这位母亲的人之一。她出于尴尬的境地之中,不知说什么好,于是她为那母亲做了碗炒饭。女儿再伤母亲心仍是挚爱的女儿,母亲即使再绝情还是会回家。而沉默着离开的,只有我,这个为别人的母亲做了顿早餐的人。

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    major li liwrote:
    这么低沉的情绪啊
    Apr. 12

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